I’m waiting for the film to start. There is a delay and they haven’t ushered us into the so-called ‘Gold Class’ cinema yet. To think that Fountain Gate, the bogan hotspot of Victoria, boasts a Gold Class cinema. Though I guess it is not surprising as Gold Class cinema outings are what bogans or the egocentric blue collar workers of Australia consider to be a culturally enriching experience. It’s incredible to watch them in their natural state. They were lampooned ferociously in TV shows throughout the eighties – and currently though that Australian Bogan TV show – yet they still maintain their lower class speech patterns, frivolous interests and total lack of irony. The hair is bleached blonde on the women and while they may not dress as they did in the eighties they dress in a decidedly casual fashion and their form of elegance is tacky and cheap.
The woman next to me for example had and explosive plume of blonde hair, was dressed entirely in black and used phrases such as ‘he goes’ and ‘she goes’ instead of ‘he said’ (or related or intimated or replied). The conversation was ceaseless and vapid and mercifully we moved to another part of this saloon. It’s so hilarious the lack of irony and the pretentiousness of this insipid facility. Whilst it is called Gold Class it is nothing of the sort. People sit around waiting for the same movies that all the plebs see, despite paying at least twice the price. The foyer is tacky with gaudy carpet, uncomfortable chairs and inflated prices for food items such as nachos, which should have been buried with the 90s. Then, if yours is more of a gourmet palate, there are hamburgers. So hamburgers are now what constitutes quality food, food worthy of a gold class standard? Well, as I say, it gets back to the lack of irony in the pretentiousness about this place. Nothing is ‘gold’ class and the management, and bogan clientelle, seem to think it is. This is before you get into the cinema itself to watch as I indicated the ordinary films that anyone else can watch for more reasonable prices.
Now we are inside the and the bogans are on their smart phones sending text messages or positing statuses about their empty purposeless lives. You can just imagine the calibre of these messages: ‘I’m in the cinema’ or ‘film about to start’. ‘About to watch movie’. And to think I was just reading the History of the Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire on the same device. Don’t get me wrong, Iove iPhones and think they were one of the best inventions of all time but it sickens me to the heart to see people so attached to them and using them for such trivial pointless interchanges. I remember recently I was at a function organized by the honourable Mark Dreyfus, a sickening left wing propaganda exercise and I was caught without my iPad but wanted to do some literary writing. So there I was contributing to the pantheon of quality literature and a woman came and presumptuously scolded me for texting while she was trying to film the event.
As you can imagine I was flabbergasted A that someone was going to film such a pointless event and B That she thought my elegant prose was simply “texting”. Staggering.